Our unison reading found on page 583. Listen for the word of God as we read it in Psalm 150.
1 Praise the LORD! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty firmament!
2 Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his surpassing greatness!
3 Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp!
4 Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe!
5 Praise him with clanging cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals!
6 Let everything that breathes praise the LORD! Praise the LORD!
Our gospel reading is found on page 115 of your pew Bibles. Our reading happens just after Peter and the other disciple saw the empty tomb, and returned home. Mary Magdalene stayed, and met Jesus in the garden, but didn't recognize him at first. Then he spoke to her, and told her to tell the disciples that he was going to his father, but hasn't gone yet. So she told them. Listen for the word of God as it is found in John 20:19-31.
19 When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." 20 After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.
21 Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you." 22 When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained."
24 But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord."
But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe."
26 A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." 27 Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe."
28 Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!"
29 Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe."
30 Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. 31 But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.
This ends our reading of the gospel.
That last verse can also be translated “But these are written so that you may continue to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.” The followers of Jesus did not need to be discouraged about the crucifixion; they were supposed to continue to believe, and let the resurrection fill them with joy and life.
Let's listen to the choir.
Two months ago, I read the Bizarro cartoon that's on the bulletin covers. It made me laugh and laugh. So I e-mailed Dan Piraro and asked him if I could use it for 80 bulletins and how much would it cost, and he said I could use it for nothing. So that's why it's on the cover and says “used by permission.”
Jesus said to love our neighbors and ourselves. That includes not being a jerk about it. It also includes being able to laugh at ourselves.
I just learned that “the early and medieval church generally took a dim view of jokes and laughter; they seemed inappropriate to the godly life. Church leaders took seriously Paul's warning in Ephesians 5:4 about engaging in "silly" talk. St. Bernard argued that Paul's directive ruled out not only lewd or extravagant jokes but jesting of any kind.” 1
Yet Proverbs 17:22 says “A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries up the bones.”
Jokes cheer us up. The best ones surprise us. So Easter is the grandest joke of all, the biggest surprise. We don't hear it as a surprise, because most of us are so familiar with the story. But it was a joke on death, sin, Caesar, evil, and all the powers that be.
So it's appropriate that Christians laugh. We are supposed to love God and enjoy God forever—part of enjoyment is laughter.
So today I am going to share some jokes with you.
Most religious jokes I hear just don't strike me as funny. Partly because I have heard most of them before--some of them are so old, I first read them on a ditto.
Partly I don't enjoy religious jokes because they don't take religion seriously enough. In jokes, pastors are just money hungry buffoons who preach too long, congregation members are always sinners who want to give the church as little as possible and who would rather be anywhere but at worship, and sermons are boring and too long.
One beautiful Sunday morning, the pastor announced to his congregation: “I have here in my hands three sermons...a $100 sermon that lasts five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, and a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour. Now, we'll take the collection and see which one you have chosen.”
Shorter sermons are generally much harder to write than long sermons, so shorter sermons should cost more.
An embarrassed woman was talking to the pastor after worship. “I hope you didn't take it personally, preacher, when my husband walked out during your sermon.”
“I did find it rather disconcerting,” the Pastor replied.
“It wasn't out of any disrespect to you,” she said. “Fred has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child.”
We've all heard sermons that have gone on too long. I've preached some, unfortunately. But most of the time, congregation members are gracious to me. I had a man apologize to me once for closing his eyes during my whole sermon because the sun was in his eyes. I knew he was telling the truth – from the pulpit I could see the beam of light the stained glass window focused on his face, so he couldn't keep his eyes open.
Author Ted Cohen 2 says that laughing together satisfies a deep human longing for intimacy. When we laugh at the same thing, it confirms that we share the same assumptions and feelings about the world. Sharing a joke builds community.
This explains why jokes can be deeply alienating. If I am a white man concerned about my lack of physical prowess and potency, it will make me feel better to say something insulting about young black women who played in the NCAA championship.
If you listeners are concerned about the same things, you'll enjoy the joke. But if you aren't, you may find the assumptions of my joke offensive. You may think racism is still too pervasive and harmful for us to be able to laugh at bigoted words. You may resent that I think you share my bigotry.
It's generally funnier to tell a joke about someone more powerful than about someone weaker. It's usually funny to make fun of yourself or your group. My group is church people, especially pastors.
Though for many years they had argued over various theological issues, two pastors from different denominations had remained good friends.
As they grew older, one pastor remarked how miraculous it was they had been able to remain good friends for so many years despite their many differences.
“This is as it should be,” the other pastor replied. “After all, we both teach the same lessons, and we both teach the same gospel- you in your way, and I in His.”
Some pastors just can't make room for other people's opinions.
Four preachers had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd man out decided to appeal to a higher authority. “Oh, God!” he cried. “I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please show me a sign, so they too will know that I understand Your laws.”
It was a sunny day. As soon as the preacher finished his plea, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. “A sign from God! See, I'm right, I knew it!”
But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.
So he asked again: “Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign.”
This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning knocked down a tree ten feet away from the preachers. The cloud dispersed at once. “I told you I was right!” insisted the loner, but the others insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.
The insisting preacher started to ask again; just as he said, “Oh God...” the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, “HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!”
The sky returned to normal. The one preacher put his hands on his hips and said, “Well?”
“So?” replied another. “You still lose. It's us three against you two!”
I like the stories that make fun of self-righteousness and people who are holier than thou. Some of us have been victims of those kinds of people.
Josephine, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic, after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and then just walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Josephine's house and left it there all night.
I like the jokes that depend on knowing the Bible. Like this question, Did you know that the disciples drove a Honda? The Bible says “The Apostles were in one Accord.”
But if you don't know the Bible very well, you won't get it, and you'll feel left out. So you can just smile and pretend you know Acts 5:12 in the King James Version.
Here's another one that I just heard it and couldn't resist. We have enough former Lutherans who will get all the references. For the rest of you who don't remember much about the history of the Reformation with Martin Luther, indulgences, the argument about transubstantiation (how the bread and wine turn into Christ's body and blood) just smile politely at the absurdity of this verse from the “ The Reformation Polka ” by Robert Gebel and sung to the tune of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.”
When Tetzel came near Wittenberg, St. Peter's profits soared,
I wrote a little notice for the All Saints' Bull'tin board:
"You cannot purchase merits, for we're justified by grace!
Here's 95 more reasons, Brother Tetzel, in your face!" Oh...
Chorus:
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation
Speak your mind against them and face excommunication!
Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation!
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!
And then there's always prayer. Most of us recognize the mystery of prayer.
A church service happened to fall on the last day of hunting season. The next week, the pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand.
“I don't understand,” The pastor said. “Many of you told me you wouldn't be in church last Sunday because it was the last day of hunting season. So I asked the whole congregation to pray for your deer.”
“Well, it worked,” one hunter groaned. “They're all safe.”
We pray for things large and small, confident God cares about our cares, no matter the size.
God's omnipotence is something we have a hard time understanding.
A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner, her father asked the young man into his study for a chat.
"So, what are your plans?” the father asked.
”I'm a theology scholar,” the young man replied.
“Admirable,” the father said, “but what will you do to provide a nice home for my daughter?”
“I will study and God will provide,” the young man explained.
”And how will you afford to raise children?” the father asked.
”God will provide,” said the young man.
The men left the study and the mother asked her husband, “How did it go?”
“Very well; I like him. He has no money or employment plans,” the father said. “But on the other hand, he thinks I'm God.”
Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one toward the same water trap. It landed in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.
The third guy got up and whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into on-coming traffic. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there it bounced onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolled into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and toward the same pond. On the way to the pond, it hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad where it stopped. A very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. An eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced into the hole for a hole in one.
Moses then turned to Jesus and said, “I hate playing with your Dad.”
The book of Job begins with God and Satan talking about Job and how he feared God. Satan didn't believe that Job was truly a righteous man; he thought that if Job suffered, he would turn from God. God lets Satan test his theory. We have other stories about Satan where he's just a heavenly adversary, rather than the source of all evil. So I like jokes that reflect that.
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who managed to get the most out of his computer. So God said, “I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”
So they sat at the keyboards and typed away. They did spreadsheets, wrote reports, sent faxes, answered e-mail, downloaded attachments, and made cards. But just a few minutes before the two hours were up, lightning flashed across the sky. The thunder rolled and the rains came down. And of course the electricity went off.
Satan was upset. He fumed and fussed and ranted, all to no avail. Eventually, the rains stopped and the electricity came back on. Satan moaned, “I lost it all when the power went off. What am I going to do? What happened to Jesus' work?”
Jesus just sat and smiled. As he turned his computer back on, all his work was still there. “How did he do it?” Satan asked.
God smiled and said, “Jesus saves.”
Sin and evil do not prevail. God sends us out with that good news. Let everything that breathes and laughs praise the Lord. God always has the last laugh. Alleluia. Amen.
1Screech, M.A., Laughter at the Foot of the Cross, Penguin, 328, quoted in Heim, David, “A Joking Matter: And Jesus Laughed,” The Christian Century, August 9, 2003, pp.27-30. www.christiancentury.org .
2 Cohen, Ted, Philosophical Thoughts on Joking Matters, University of Chicago Press, quoted ibid.
Deleted Scenes (or Jokes that didn't make it into the sermon):
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Preacher," said the young man, "I'm sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
What did the man say when he saw 10 Easter bunnies hopping over the hill?“
There go ten Easter bunnies hopping over the hill.
What did the man say when he saw 10 bunnies hopping over the hill wearing sunglasses?
Nothing. He didn't recognize them.
Why shouldn't you tell an Easter Egg a joke?
It might crack up.
There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?"
asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
Two Christian mystics were talking outside their monastery. One mystic said to the other, “How did you like my latest book, The Art of Levitation?”
His companion replied, “It kept me up all night.”
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First Presbyterian Church